There’s this one song lyric that I just remembered:”I’m searching for something that I can’t reach”. I’m so overwhelmed by my long term future aspirations and preoccupied with what could be that I keep trying to jump the gun instead of focusing on the baby steps I need to take to get there. I still stand by the belief that before I can reach for anything I need to get my act together, both mentally speaking and physically. And beating myself up repeatedly for not accomplishing huge things has definitely not helped me move along in the right direction. I have this running tab in my head of the things I need to get done and the things I want to get done. I’m the type of person who makes lists, but then I look back at the last list only to make a new list. It’s this vicious cycle and I’m really not getting anything done. The question that remains prevalent in my mind is “why”? Why am I not getting shit done? Is is that I’m wanting the wrong things? Then I realize that those makeup and skincare products will have to wait because I have more important matters to attend to that pertain to the grand scheme of my life…my future. Like prepping for the dreaded and anxiety inducing Sat I’ll be taking in my junior year of high school. Or the fact that I’m going off to college in a little over a year. Truthfully I’m kind of a mess. And with that being said I’m done lying to myself about what’s really going on. Once again, I’m not working out or hitting up the skincare aisle or changing my diet because ‘other stuff’ matters more… It’s all just a blob of ‘wants’ in my head and I don’t really know what to do with it anymore. I know I’m not incapable of accomplishing the ‘smaller things’. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m probably never gonna achieve ‘self actualization’ if I’m not even properly addressing my more basic needs, so I can feel good on the inside…and hopefully somewhere along the way I’ll emulate that feeling on the outside And then there is the whole feeling loved and self esteem aspect of the pyramid. The truth of the matter: when one thing suffers, the rest goes down with it. More than anything your well being matters and contrary to what society tells us, if you need to take some time to figure out what you need to do for yourself and actually do it, so you can move on to the bigger and the better then you’re entitled to that.